How to Help a Loved One with Anxiety: What to Do, What to Avoid, and Why It Matters

It’s a biological, cognitive, and emotional condition that may involve:

• Excessive fear or worry
• Physical symptoms (e.g., racing heart, restlessness, tension)
• Avoidance behaviors
• Difficulty controlling thoughts or emotions

According to the DSM-5, anxiety disorders affect up to 1 in 5 adults at some point in their lives. It’s common, treatable—and manageable with the right approach.

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What Helps (Evidence-Based Strategies)

1. Be Calm, Present, and Nonjudgmental

🔍 Why it works: Mirror neurons in the brain can reflect the emotional state of those around us. Your calm can help regulate theirs.

What to say:

• “I’m here with you. You’re not alone.”
• “It’s okay to feel this way. You’re safe right now.”

Avoid jumping in with solutions too quickly. Be emotionally available first.

2. Normalize and Name It

🔍 Why it works: Naming emotions activates the prefrontal cortex and decreases amygdala overdrive (the fear center).

What to say:

• “It seems like you might be feeling anxious—does that sound right?”
• “Sometimes our body reacts even when our mind doesn’t know why. That’s normal.”

Avoid saying:

• “You’re overreacting.”
• “Just calm down.”

3. Use Grounding and Coping Tools Together

Why it works: Behavioral strategies like grounding or breathing activate the parasympathetic nervous system and reduce cortisol.

Examples:

• Deep breathing (4-7-8 method or box breathing)
• 5-4-3-2-1 grounding (naming 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, etc.)
• Going for a walk together
• Playing calming music
• Progressive muscle relaxation

Offer to guide them through one of these activities without pressure.

4. Encourage Routine and Self-Care

Why it works: Structure and predictability reduce anticipatory anxiety and support neurobiological regulation.

Help your loved one:

• Maintain sleep routines
• Stay hydrated and nourished
• Get light exercise
• Reduce stimulants (like caffeine) if anxiety is chronic

What to say:

• “Want to make a plan for your day together?”
• “Let’s cook something healthy together.”

5. Support Professional Help

Why it works: Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and other evidence-based therapies are highly effective for treating anxiety.

Help them access care:

• “Would it help to talk to someone trained in this?”
• Offer to help them research therapists or sit with them during a telehealth visit.
• Normalize therapy: “Lots of people go to therapy for anxiety—it’s a strong choice, not a weak one.”

What to Avoid (Things That Make It Worse)

1. Minimizing or Dismissing

• ❌ “It’s not that bad.”
• ❌ “You’re just being dramatic.”
• ❌ “Everyone feels like that.”

This invalidates their experience and can increase shame.

2. Over-Accommodating

❌ Constantly helping them avoid anxiety-provoking situations (e.g., making all the phone calls, driving them everywhere) may reinforce avoidance, which keeps anxiety alive.

Instead:

• Acknowledge the fear, then gently encourage exposure in small steps.
• “I know it’s hard, but I believe you can do this—and I’ll support you while you try.”

3. Problem-Solving Too Soon

• Anxiety is often irrational and emotion-based. Jumping to logic before soothing the emotion can feel invalidating.

Instead:

• Validate first. “That sounds really hard.”
• Then ask, “Would you like help thinking through solutions, or do you just want me to listen right now?”

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Tools to Help Identify Anxiety

Ask Reflective Questions

• “Do you ever feel overwhelmed for no clear reason?”
• “Have you noticed this happening at specific times or places?”
• “Do you feel this more in your body, your thoughts, or both?”

Track Patterns Together

Use a journal, app, or mood tracker to identify:

• Triggers (e.g., caffeine, social pressure, lack of sleep)
• Coping strategies that help
• Times of day when anxiety is worse

Final Thoughts

Helping a loved one with anxiety is about being a compassionate ally, not a fixer. Your steady presence, gentle encouragement, and support for small healthy habits can make a tremendous difference.

Sometimes the most powerful words are:

“You’re not alone. I believe you. I’m here with you.”

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